Happy to feel free 🌺
I was working a lot of overtime during National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, but I’d still like to share a little bit of my process now.
It has been 6 months since I killed my scale with a hammer, and it was the best decision I could have made for my self.
At the age of 16, I was buying diet pills and sneaking them into my room. I would chew food and spit it out. I would workout 6 days a week, and limit my calories to the amount a child should eat.
After a hard break up, I decided I NEEDED to be skinny and lost 30 pounds in 2 months. I would weigh myself every single morning… sometimes multiple times a day. The past few years have been a process of healing the part of my heart that was convinced I needed to be skinny to be accepted.
I no longer want to feel tiny and frail, I want to feel healthy and strong. Is it always easy? Heck no! There are days where I think about food too much or I hear past eating disorder thoughts try to weasel their way back in. The difference is that I now know that my thoughts don’t have to become my actions. I have a choice in what thoughts I choose to feed and which ones I call bs on.
There is always hope my friends. You are worth far more than a number💕