When I first got sick, the pain was so consuming that everything in my life was put on pause. I was in survival mode and was learning how to simply function again. I spent most days bedridden from the pain, and I lost hope that things could ever change.
Flash forward to now: I am still sick, but I have learned to manage it relatively well most days. I am at a level 3-7 pain daily, but that is much better than the 8-9’s I used to live with. Slowly but surely, I have been stepping out more and more. I am living a normal life again. My pain doesn’t have as much of a say in my daily life, it comes along for the ride.
This month, I had the chance to do a fun featured “pregnant” role in a TV show. My knee jerk reaction was to say no. It was for multiple days, and I try to not overcommit myself. But then I thought, “will I regret saying no to this experience?” I decided to do it and hope for the best. It ended up being one of my favorite set experiences. The weekend after, I got a cold and was in a horrible pain flare, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.
I treated myself to some extra self care and took it easy for the next few days. It’s a balance. I am learning to say no to my fear of pain and yes to experiences that I deserve to have. Maybe my pain will be horrible, maybe it won’t. There are worse things in life than physical pain, and I have learned that I am not willing to miss out on living.