ED Recovery On Vacation

Last week I had the amazing opportunity to go on a cruise with friends. I have been on two cruises before and have always had a wonderful time. While I will be posting about the actual cruise later, I wanted to share something personal that I struggled with while I was there.

A few weeks ago I posted about overcoming my eating disorder. I want to thank all of you for being so supportive and receptive to such a vulnerable topic. When I started this blog, I had one goal: Be vulnerable and real. I never want to pretend that my life is perfect. I never want to act as if I am a finished product. I believe that it helps no one to put on a facade. So many people walk around thinking that they are the only ones struggling. They believe that somehow everyone has life figured out but them. I refuse to buy into this type of living.

I mentioned in my last post that vacations can be very hard for me mentally when it comes to food. This vacation was no different. From the second we started our roadtrip to Orlando, my mind was flooded with past eating disorder thoughts. What if I gain 10 pounds on this trip? What if I feel embarrassed by every picture? What if I can’t have fun because I am overcome with these triggering thoughts?

The problem is that these obsessive thoughts love to feed off of one another. When you indulge one thought, it opens the door to let all of the other nagging ones in. I found myself on a trail of negative thinking and anxiety. I am still very much a work in progress in this area, but I have a reason to rejoice: I ATE.

I ate pizza, chocolate, steak, pasta and drank a few shakes. It was delicious. Everyone’s journey is different. I will never pretend that I am finished with this process if I am not. I am not going to pretend that everything magically got healed overnight, but I can say this: I am healing. I have passed the hardest hurdle. I am choosing to say no to depriving myself. A few years ago when I was seeing my therapist, she told me that I need to learn to sit and breathe when I feel uncomfortable. I don’t need to run or indulge in the behaviors my mind tells me I should. I have a choice on how I live. I can decide if a thought becomes an action. To me, this vacation was a big win.

The more years go by, the more I realize how vital it is to give ourselves grace. Everyone is struggling with something and no one will ever reach perfection. We gain nothing by hating ourselves in this journey, but we gain everything by choosing to love ourselves.\

I want to end by sharing with you the most rewarding moment I have had since starting my blog. I received a comment on my last eating disorder post that brought me to tears:

I have been struggling to eat today. I read this and went straight downstairs to get some toast, my body deserves to eat! Thank you x”

This makes every bit of vulnerability worth it.

With love,

Jubilee

26 Comments

  1. Love your post. Like you said we all have things we are struggling with and this makes us human, it’s bad I hardly watch my diet, I eat whatever I feel like, maybe I will start working on it. Have a lovely day😊

  2. Love your vulnerability and honesty! I believe being open about our struggles can truly help others. Keep up the good work!

  3. I appreciate your openness and sharing of yourself. I struggle with eating as well, but on the opposite side. While it is different, you reminded me to give myself grace like I do everyone else. Thank you.

    1. Yes, Giving ourselves grace is always the answer, no matter the issue <3 Thank you for being so kind!

  4. Thank you for sharing your struggle with this. 💕 I think its so great that you inspired/helped someone choose to eat something. You are amazing, beautiful, and so strong!!

  5. You are such an inspiration! Many people struggle with eating disorders, but shedding light and reading a recovery story as positive as your will certainly help motivate others to overcome.

  6. I am so glad you were able to work through your eating disorder thoughts and enjoy your cruise! I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through, but I so love your openness about it. I know you’re helping loads of people, and probably even yourself! Plus it’s great to see you happy despite these thoughts!

  7. Thank you for being transparent.
    And congratulations on your progress!
    We truly are all a work in progress and, wow!, do we all need support! Hearing your story encourages me in my struggles, even tho mine are not food related.
    We need each other! Thanks again for your brave and encouraging words!

  8. Thank you for being so open and honesty about a subject that many people struggle to talk about. I am sure that this post will help others who are in a similar position. I struggle with holidays too because I have all sorts of dietary restrictions and I get quite anxious about whether or not I will be able to eat. I always enjoy myself in the end though.

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